My friend calls and says, "Your future wife is here."

My friend calls and says, "Your future wife is here."

It's Friday night. I've showered, brushed my teeth and I'm ready for bed.

"Where are you? What are you doing?" John asks.

"Home. About to go to bed," I say.

"Put on your pants and come find me."

John knows I usually say no. But he also knows I won't turn down a chance to meet my wife -- even if it's not likely.

"Fine. Send me the address."

I arrive 30 minutes later -- but there's no bar, no lounge. Just a quiet residential street. I call John.

"Am I at the right place?"

"Wait there. I'll come get you."

Five minutes later, a side door opens. John leads me to an elevator with a single button: Penthouse. Seconds later, the doors open to a private lounge. I forgot to mention -- John's family is one of the wealthiest in Taiwan. Think Crazy Rich Asians, Taiwan edition.

"Who's my wife?" I ask.

"I met three girls at dinner. Told them about you."

John told them I'm the most famous YouTuber in Taiwan, an international man of mystery, the last good man in Taipei. He likes to exaggerate. Nowhere to go from here but down.

"Do you know any of them?" I ask.

"Of course not," he says.

"Then how do you know one of them is my wife?"

He grins.

"That's for you to find out."

We reach a table with two men and women.

"Everyone -- this is him!" John announces.

The men stand and shout back, "It's him!"

I'm about to sit down next to John.

"No, no. Sit between the girls."

I do as I'm told. John introduces me to the girls. They're both beautiful, of course.

"This is Judy -- she's a flight attendant. Amanda is her college friend. She works at a bank."

A little later, I ask Amanda, "What's your type?"

Judy cuts in, "The type that's not interested in her."

They both laugh.

"Yeah -- I guess I like a challenge," Amanda says.

I don't say anything. I just nod and go back to my water.

"John says you're famous for knowing about movies," Judy says.

"Yeah -- but nobody knows I'm a real person. They all think I'm A.I."

They laugh. They think it's a joke -- but sadly, it's true.

I've stayed long enough now that leaving won't seem impolite. So I tell everyone I have an early day tomorrow -- and make my exit. John catches me at the elevator.

"Why are you leaving?" he asks.

"I don't think any of them are my wife."

"You don't know that. Ask them for coffee next week -- get to know them first."

"All right," I say. "Thanks, John."

I get home a little after midnight. Shower. Brush my teeth again. Lie in bed.

I like being in a relationship. I just don't like looking for it. I think I'm in the wrong rooms. My friends run in one circle. I'm looking for another. I don't think she's at a penthouse lounge on a Friday night. Maybe she's home with family -- or out with the same two friends she's had for years. But I still need to put my pants on.

Then John calls.

"Forgot to mention, I was going to introduce a third girl -- but she went home after dinner. I'll ask her out next time. Her name's Tiffany."