[ENG] 여러분~ 잘 지내셨나요?? 오랜만이에요~!/ Long time no see! : 초의 데일리쿡

안녕하세요! 잘 지내셨나요?

쉼 없이 달려왔던 유튜브에 지쳐
쉬고 오겠다고 했던 것이 벌써 1년이 다 되어 가네요.

저는 조금 힘든 한 해를 보냈어요.

쉰다고 했을 땐, 1~2달 정도 생각했었는데...
그동안 예기치 못한 일들이 많이 생겼거든요.

공지를 올린 후 12월 말, 저희 부부에게 첫 생명이 찾아왔어요.
아가를 준비하고 있던 중이라 너무나 기뻤지만

5주 째에 자연 유산....

그 다음 곧바로 두 번째 생명이 찾아 왔지만
8주가 넘도록 아가집은 있는데 난황이 비었더라구요..

설 명절 첫 날에
저는 차가운 침대 위에서 소파 수술을 해야 했어요.
그렇게 3~4개월 인생에서 제일 힘든 시간을 보냈어요..

소파 수술은 출산과 같다 하여 3개월은 요양이 필요했어요.
매일 창밖을 보며 의미 없는 시간들을 보냈죠.
몸과 정신이 피폐해지고, 다시는 겪고 싶지 않은 시간들이었어요.

그때 당시 남편은 드라마를 8개월 동안 찍고 있어서
짧으면 5일, 길면 2주 지방 출장 때문에 집에 들어오지 못 했어요.

하루에도 몇 번씩 안부를 묻고
밤샘 촬영에 피곤할텐데 집에 오면 정말 잘해줬어요.
우울해 하는 저를 보며 같이 많이 울기도 하구요.. 남편에게 너무나 고마워요.

치열하게 일하는 남편을 보며 너무 측은하고 미안했어요.
한편으론 '나는 아무 도움도 안 되는 존재야.. 나는 왜 사는걸까'
자존감이 바닥을 찍고 끝없이 내려가더군요.

우리가 건강한 아기를 가질 수 있을까?
습관성 유산 ? 난임이 되는 건 아닐까?
나는 어떤 일을 하고 싶은걸까...?

매일같이 이런 불안 속에 살던 중 저희에게 3번째 아가가 찾아 왔어요!
현재 저는 26주 아가를 뱃 속에 품고 있어요
건강한 딸 이래요!

제가 예민한 몸인지 임신 초기부터 입덧이 심하게 왔어요.
입덧이 아주 심한 케이스라 근 6개월을 정말 힘들게 보냈어요.
먹을 수 있는게 없어서 위액을 토하고 속을 긁어 내리는 고통.. 정말 끔찍했어요.

원래도 후각이 예민했지만
냉장고 문도 못 열었고 요리도 전혀 하지 못했어요.

그렇게 복귀할 생각도 못했고, 여러 고민을 하느라
늦게 근황 인사를 드리게 되었네요.

앞으로도 많은 고민을 하겠지만 다시 제가 좋아하는 영상을 만들며 살고 싶어요
새로운 환경도 준비하고 있구요!

아가를 위한 이유식 영상,
저의 라이프스타일 안에 요리가 녹아있는 브이로그식 영상도 만들고 싶어요.
'지금은 어떤 영상을 만들까?'에 대한 두근거림과 설렘이 더 크네요^^

인생은 계획대로 되지 않는다고들 하죠?

또 어떤 인생이 펼쳐질진 모르지만..
이젠 더 이상 좌절하지 않고, 좋아질거라고 한번 기대해보려구요 !

지금까지 기다려주신 분들, 응원해주신 분들
다시 한번 깊은 감사의 마음을 전합니다.

새로운 초데쿡을 함께 지켜봐 주세요 :)

ㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡ

Hello,
Everyone, it's been a while.

It's already been a year since I posted a notice saying I'll rest as I’m a bit exhausted from managing the YouTube channel.

I didn't have a pleasant year.

When I first said I was going to rest, I thought about resting for a month or two.
But a lot of unexpected things happened to me.

At the end of December, the first baby came to our couple.
I was so happy that it was a life that came to me in the middle of preparing for my baby.

But in the 5th week, I suffered a miscarriage..

After that, my second baby came, there was a baby house for over 8 weeks, but the lecithal was empty.

So, on the first day of the Lunar New Year holiday, I got the curettage on a cold bed.
I had the hardest time in my life for 3~4 months.

As I have a sensitive body, and I suffered greatly from morning sickness since the beginning of pregnancy.
My body and mind are devastated. It was a time I didn't want to go through again.

The curettage was like childbirth, so I had to recuperate for 3 months.
I spent meaningless times looking out the window alone every day.

At that time, my husband was filming a historical drama for 8 months.
He couldn't come home for five days at the shortest and nearly two weeks at the longest due to a business trip to the provinces.
He was very kind to me every time and always asked how I am doing every day even though he must be tired from filming all night.
He always consoled me when I'm depressed. I'm so thankful for my husband.

I also felt so sorry for my husband who worked fiercely. On the one hand, “I doesn't help anything.", "Why am I living?"
I gave myself a hard time.

It was my first time taking such a long break from work after graduating from college.
My self-esteem hit the bottom and went down endlessly.

I kept thinking badly like, ‘Can our couple have a healthy baby?’, ‘What if it becomes a habitual miscarriage?’, ‘Won't it become infertility?’, 'What do I want to do?'

While living in this anxiety every day, our third baby angel came to us!
I'm nervous every single day and keep saying to my angel, "Please, this time... For this time... Stay close to me. I'll be really good to you.”

Now, I have a 26-week healthy baby daughter!

I had severe morning sickness, so had a really hard time for the past 6 months.
Even though I didn't eat anything, I threw up and had a bad stomachache. In the meantime, I've lost 7 kilograms.

I've become sensitive of smell.
I couldn't open the refrigerator and cook at all. If I have a chance to talk about morning sickness, I can talk about it for hours easily.

It’s been 1 years saying hello since I didn't even think about coming back as I was thinking about many things.

Now, I get over the severe morning sickness until the 20th week of pregnancy, I feel much better a little over a month and a half.
I feel like I am really living now.

I'll keep thinking about it, I’d like to make videos that I like again. I’m even preparing for a new environment.

I want to make a video about baby food, also a Vlog format that my daily cooking lifestyle in.
What kind of video should I make now?
I'm more excited about that. ^^

I think I'm having the best time when I'm cooking,

People said that life doesn't go according to the rules, right?
I don't know how life will go on and on...I'm not going to be frustrated anymore, and I'm going to get better! I'll look forward to it !

Thank you for waiting and cheering for me. Once again, I'd like to express my deep gratitude. ^^

Please look forward to being a better new Cho’s daily cook!