We've all dated someone great -- and that's the problem.

We've all dated someone great -- and that's the problem.

A great boyfriend or girlfriend won't necessarily be a great spouse. Dating. Relationship. Marriage. Parenthood. That's four stages. Four different roles.

A great date is fun and exciting. A great boyfriend or girlfriend is caring and affectionate. A great husband or wife is responsible -- a teammate. A great parent is nurturing, patient and wise.

Some people are great dates -- but run away from relationships. Some are great boyfriends or girlfriends -- but quit when marriage gets too tough. Some are great husbands or wives -- but never have time for the kids.

The problem is, time quietly pushes us into the next stage. "We've been together for years now. Maybe we should get married?" And then we realize -- they were a great boyfriend or girlfriend, but not the spouse we needed.

But I think the opposite is true too. Someone who lacks that initial spark might turn out to be a great spouse.

It's all confusing to me. And I'm deathly afraid I'll mess up the most important choice of my life. But I do have one trick to guide me. Whenever I'm unsure, I'll ask myself, "If I had a child with this person's character and values, would I be proud of my child?"

Nobody's perfect -- but if the answer is ever an overwhelming "no," I'll stop and think. No matter how strong the chemistry, I won't let time push me forward without my eyes open.

I try to hold myself to the same standard too. And I work hard to become the kind of spouse and parent that someone like that would choose. And I ask myself, "If I had a daughter, would I be proud if she married someone like me?"

I know it takes some of the excitement and spontaneity out of dating. But that's a trade-off I'm willing to make. The goal was never just a great relationship. It's a great family.